How Scott Walker Ruined My Summer Vacation

20 July 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

It's the end of July. It's 100 degrees. And we aren't just "still mad."  We're more mad. We're proving it at the ballot box. And we didn't go away.

To be quite honest, I, personally, did go away, for a short while, as you no doubt noticed when I didn't write as usual. I've been calling it a "vacation" on account of I didn't work much while I was gone, but it didn't really count as a vacation since (1) I spent most of my time trying as hard as I could not to spend any money (thanks, in large part, to you), and (2) despite my best efforts to remain gloriously unplugged, news of your misadventures and assaults on the working class still reached me, even in another state.

Portrait of my "vacation:" watching a (free) street Elvis and reminding Michigan to Stand with Wisconsin

Perhaps you're wondering why I'm blaming you for my $0 budget "vacation." I'm on reduced hours over the summer at my cushy term-to-term state job, and (thanks in large part to your cuts to all things worth funding), my position is going from 50% to 33% this fall, which doesn't make for a very rosy financial situation, despite the fact that my husband works full time. And taking on another job means finding full-time child care, which means even less take-home pay than I get now. So my "vacation" consisted of stress, worry, and embarrassing coupon-hunting penny-pinching every step of the way.

How many pennies did YOU save while I was gone? How many brown bags, for instance, did you let go to waste while you hobnobbed with financiers and lobbyists? Did you enjoy a couple of $350 bottles of wine over these dinners like your buddy Paul Ryan did? How much per person did you (or was it the taxpayers?) pay for the party your wife threw at the governor's mansion? I would really like to know what the brown bags you served at that party contained, but I only saw the footage from the marvelous protest flotilla, and couldn't make out any details. 

Anyway, it's been so long since I wrote to you that I'm struggling to prioritize my seemingly infinite list of items of dissent with your administration and its unprecedented, unconscionable, power grab. To make it easier for you to keep my specific comments in mind, let me bullet these for you, not necessarily in order of importance:

• Stop stacking the deck against democracy by gerrymandering and disenfranchising Wisconsin voters. The absurd, unwarranted, transparently partisan redistricting of Wisconsin is a shameful disgrace to our state's democratic tradition and a staggering marvel of political absurdity. Your support for this is proof that you do not now, and never did, support a government by, for or of, the people. As far as I can tell, the only thing you truly support is increasing the coffers of support for your own political agenda, which rarely (if ever) corresponds to the interests of this state, as the new map clearly shows.
• Stop with the "jobs" and "tools" talk. You have not created jobs; we have lost real existing jobs - and countless potential ones - under your administration and there is no evidence that your policies will create jobs that benefit this state. Unemployment is up in Wisconsin as it declines across the rest of the nation.  So stop lying about that and start creating jobs - and not the phony "new" McJobs you "create" by eliminating decent existing ones. And stop lying about how your budget cuts are "tools" that help local communities and won't lead to tax increases. 
• Stop wasting our money. And I'm not just talking about the money you waste being out of state all the time, or your insulting attempts at PR-stops around the state (which might better be called Protest Tours anyway), trying to take credit for local or existing projects.  You are wasting taxpayer money on your foolish political agenda and have the nerve to claim to be doing this in the name of "jobs".  The best example of this is the fiscal impact of your stubborn rejection of federal rail money, which would have created countless jobs, in addition to its money-saving environmental impacts.  By rejecting this money, you forced the state to borrow and we end up spending more on the Milwaukee-Chicago line than it would have cost to build the Milwaukee-Madison rail that the people have demanded. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel has a good article on how this math works. You should check it out. So we increase the debt, we lose the jobs, we don't have the rail service, and we send our dollars and our resources to Illinois instead of creating more jobs between Madison and Milwaukee. Free enterprise?  I don't think so.
• Resign. To put this in terms you can understand, given the "self-serving narrative" that is your constant reference to yourself as "CEO of Wisconsin," let me make it simple: you have proven that you do not know how business, or governments work. You have failed as governor (in your terms: "CEO") and you are going to be recalled ("fired").

I have been watching this summer as people continue to follow you wherever you go, making clear to you and the rest of the world that we're still here, we're still fighting, and we're getting more mad every day.  This is not about collective bargaining, even if that's what shook people awake this winter.  This is about taking democracy back, stopping the sale of our state to corporate interests, and protecting our children's education and the programs that serve our most vulnerable. It's about transparency in government, exposing and calling out the lies of corrupt and duplicitous politicians (see mirror for more info). It's about the recalls, especially yours.

 

"The story's behind you, sir. Turn around, sir!"

Of all your lies, the one I hate the most is the one you repeated to a local reporter after this aptly protested event - the ironically audacious claim that "a handful of people should not be able to dictate what people do in this state." If you would confront your constituents honestly, and acknowledge the fact that well over half the people of this state oppose you, we wouldn't have to follow you all over the place, shouting. As long as you continue to ignore us, continue to disrespect us, and continue to lie about our numbers, our aims and our needs, we will only grow more determined to see you recalled. And you will be recalled. 

So resign. Because whether or not I can afford to take another vacation next summer, I don't want to waste a moment of it thinking of you.

Until you're out of sight, out of mind, out of office, and for good,

Heather DuBois Bourenane

Wisconsin taxpayer and recall enthusiast

Knock, knock. WHO'S THERE? The people. THE PEOPLE WHO?

 15 June 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

Sorry to fall out of touch this last week, but it has been CRAZY around here!  Super busy with work. Summer now so I have to work more jobs, and there was car trouble and the buying of a new car ("show me the cheapest car on your lot, sir!"), plus the kids had their last week of school and I had a lot of volunteer work to do for that, and I was trying to keep up with all the madness at the Capitol (so busy!) and then the kids and I were visiting my family in Michigan. You know, Michigan, the state one of your bosses owns?  You are going to be so jealous when I tell you that I was close enough to one of the DeVos mansions in Holland that I could actually smell the money of the thousands of plebes at the bottom of the pyramid who trickled their money up, up, up the ladder so that Betsy could one day reign supreme over them and demand a "return on her investment."  Seriously. I was that close. You would have loved it. There was poverty everywhere, and then their "house" in all its opulent excess. The only thing missing was a life-sized statue of a camel entering the eye of needle, which is a metaphor for how hard it is to get into a good charter school, and why Jesus wants us to have vouchers because it's not fair that all the godless liberals and poor people get a "free" education while the good children of the Lord have to pay top dollar. Jesus just loves trickle-down education.  I think that's what he meant by "suffer the children unto me." It takes visionaries and prophets like you and your friends to know that he meant that suffering part literally.

Anyway, I digress. I have a few items of business that we'd better get to, since it's been a while, and I know how you love business.  First, you can stop looking forward to it right now because I am NOT taking the bait on your mean-spirited "statement" yesterday about how the Supreme Court's partisan overturning of the illegal vote ruling is a step toward jobs etc.  Whatever. We all knew your bill would pass, and we all knew you got what you paid for in David Prosser, so we'll see you in the higher courts or the recall elections, whatever comes first. I'm ready for that fight.

I'd like to share, instead, my thoughts on your disgusting display of hubris at the Housing Conference last week, and take the time to identify three specific ways in which you've proved, yet again, that you are a selfish egomaniac with no regard whatsoever for the welfare of this state.

1. In your infinite arrogance, you actually suggest that you can make "a case" for eliminating collective bargaining.  Here's what the Wisconsin State Journal says:  "Walker took two questions from the conference audience. Asked if there was anything he wished he had done differently, Walker said he should have "spent more time building a case" for his view that collective bargaining should be seen as "not a right, but an expensive entitlement" for public employees." Spend more time? What? You've had months. And your constant pingponging between two equally moronic lies ("Denying people their right to collective bargaining will save the economy" and "Denying people their right to collective bargaining has no fiscal component")  has proven, without a doubt, that you have no reasonable case to make.  But, even if you did, I'm sorry to inform you that you don't get to "make a case" for what our rights are. These rights, it turns out, are inalienable. And they are protected by state, federal and international law. And among them is the right to organize our labor and engage in collective bargaining with our employers. So you can leave your delusions of grandeur at the Governor's mansion next to your picture of yourself in a monocle and come back to earth. 
2. You continue to spread the absurd lie that your policies will not lead to increased taxes.  Who do you think is going to have to foot the bill to keep our schools running now that you've gutted education? Our kids will pay that price, and local communities are already scrambling to figure out how to clean up this mess. By shifting the burden of fiscal responsibility to the local level and the working poor, you give the duplicitous illusion that you're doing something responsible when in fact you're just screwing the working class two ways: not only will I have to pay more, I'll be taking home less pay, too.  And I live in a district that can afford it! What of the rural areas where schools literally don't have a dime to spare and people are stretched too thin already to foot any more of the bill?  What of these people? What magic voucher does Jesus want them to receive to lift their kids out of that nightmare?
3. I save the worst for last, and I think you know what it is. Just when I think you've outdone yourself in insulting us, just when I thought it was not possible for you to be any more disrespectful or demeaning,  you manage to remind us once again how little regard you really have for the needs and concerns of your constituents.  There you are, standing before a throng of adoring money-lenders and exploiters of the poor, waxing sanctimonious about all the good you're doing for this state, when you - quite out of character, actually, since you usually prefer to pretend we don't exist - acknowledge the banging of the crowd of protesters outside your event, who have gathered to defend the rights of the needy to secure housing.  BANG! BANG! go the protesters. And you have the nerve to say, "That's opportunity knocking for all of us now."  Your acolytes hoot and howl with glee at your hilarious joke, and it doesn't go unnoticed by the press. It doesn't go unnoticed by me, either.  Which "opportunity," exactly, are you referring to here?  The opportunity to strip us of our rights? The opportunity to mock us? The opportunity to force through your agenda despite the dissent of the people because you have no regard whatsoever for democracy or decorum? The opportunity to prove, once again, and publicly, how much you hate the people of Wisconsin?  Well, congratulations. You have proven all of these things. And then some.

I have a lot more to say to you, but that's enough for tonight.  I'd like to offer you, in closing, the opportunity to resign. Will you take it? Or hold out for the recalls?  Shame to waste such an extraordinary opportunity.

Resign.
Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin taxpayer

Knock, knock.  

Who's there?

The people.

The people who?

 image: http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJGALSDPnSrqUYBlloIU558lF8xmUmYS-MMEeKnmbVrV5rZ7fx

Governor Announces Brown Bag Q&A with Walkerville Denizens

8 June 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

Cool logo, huh? The AFL-CIO made it. This is not a camping trip.

Good news! A symbolic contingent of that "handful of people" you keep talking about has has camped out outside of the Capitol to let you know that we, the people, continue to oppose, and will not tolerate, your abuse of power.  They've made a beautiful encampment around the Capitol Square, and even named it after you: Walkerville. I can't even imagine how that must make you feel! I couldn't wait to tell you this because I hadn't heard yet that you'd noticed, and I think this is an excellent opportunity for you to take your famous brown bag (tm) outside for lunch one of these days and field a few questions that some of them have for you.  Get someone to work right now on the press release: Governor Announces Brown Bag Q&A with Walkerville Denizens. Do you have any idea how good that makes you look to the rest of the world (which is still, by the way, watching)?

I stand in solidarity with all of these people. You may have heard of "solidarity" in some of the singing that really annoys some people (isn't freedom of speech annoying?!), because one of the songs we like to sing is called called "Solidarity Forever" (which you might know by its other name, "The Battle Hymn Against the Republicans"). Solidarity means we stand together, and speak with one voice, since we share the same myriad concerns, so I took the liberty of volunteering to help you prep for this Q&A/listening session.  What follows is what I hope you'll find an extremely helpful list of questions you are likely to be asked and some suggestions for how you might respond (the cameras, obviously, will be on you, so you probably shouldn't just "wing it" like you have at recent events).  Think of it as a cheat sheet of sorts (we all know how you like cheating!), so you don't have to write anything on your hand or waste anyone's time with that vacant, open-mouthed pause you've perfected of late. 

I would normally not provide this kind of service free of charge, but I figure it's the kind of selfless bipartisan gesture that could really bring our sides together, so why not be the better person (as usual) and just help you out a bit?  Oh, and since one of the trends I've noticed in your public and press appearances is a tendency to lie incessantly, I thought it would be a nice change of pace if you played the "straight-shooter" here and were uncharacteristically honest.  I think this would go a long way in impressing both your supporters and your opponents, who would all feel they had the chance to get to know the real you, being honest and talking straight to the people you govern, munching the ham sandwich that has symbolically saved our state from the brink of financial collapse. So here you go:

Questions You Will Likely Field During Your 

Brown Bag "Listening Session" At Walkerville, 

and Suggested Responses:

Taxpayer: Why are you such an asshole? [variation: Why are you such a dick, bastard, idiot, etc?]

Editor's note: I'm very sorry to start with this one, but I figured it's either going to be the first or the most frequent question you'll be asked, so let's just get it out of the way before we move on to policy points.

Suggested response:  I'm sorry I've brought you to the point where you have no recourse but to use such language, but let's face it: I'm a total dick. And I'm going to stay that way until you either depose me or lose focus as a group and watch me get reelected for a second term, so get used to it.  I'm an arrogant, remorseless jerk, incapable of empathy [Editor's note: empathy is the ability to consider, relate to and understand the feelings and perspectives of others. Be sure to use this word, as both your supporters and your detractors will be thrilled to learn that you now know what it means]. I don't want to go into the "why" of it, because then we get into a long story about my childhood, and my college years, and my feelings of inadequacy and inferiority about dropping out of college, and the ensuing need to overcompensate and my contempt for anyone with a degree, so let's just leave that one off the table: I'm an asshole, and I'm not going to let a handful of out-of-state rabble rousers give the rest of the country the impression that the taxpayers of Wisconsin didn't know when they hired me to be CEO of this state that I am now, and I always have been, an asshole.

Taxpayer: Why do you hate my children?

Suggested response: Well, that's a complicated question, because there are so many angles to it. But I guess the main reason is because your children are not rich [or white, depending on who asked the question; in some cases you might say both]. My policies are carefully designed to benefit affluent families, whose predominately white children I actually love very much. So I don't hate all children, let me make that very clear. Just yours. Kids who go to private schools, kids who already have health insurance either through their married parents' work or through their single mother, are ok in my book. Kids who want to get a special voucher to let the state pay for them to go to a private school so that their parents can have a chance at cementing the racist class system that keeps so many people down all over this country - those kids I adore. Kids with disabilities, and just your average public school kids, not so much. And homeless kids? I can't even bear to look at them.

Taxpayer: Why do you hate my parents?

Suggested response: Hey now, that's not fair. You shouldn't just assume I hate your parents - your parents could be millionaires for all I know! 

If the person insists his/her parents are not millionaires, add this:

Just because I don't support programs like Senior Care, and just because the AARP has launched a major campaign to make sure people know how dangerous my policies are for the hundreds of thousands of senior citizens in our state - people who worked hard their whole lives and paid, diligently and patriotically into a system they trusted - doesn't mean I "hate" them. It just means I have no respect for them, and that I don't have a moral problem with their not being able to afford food, housing or medical care. It's so like you liberals to jump to a logical conclusion based on evidence and facts.

Taxpayer: Why do you hate me?

Suggested response: Well, it's a nice day and we're all here to listen and to move forward. So I'll just say that, again, just because I'm trying as hard as I can to force you out of your job, steal your pension, reduce your health care benefits, you name it!, doesn't mean I hate you. It just means I have no respect for you. None. In fact, I think my good friend Glenn Grothman said it best, and I think a lot of taxpayers are wondering what I'm doing right now, talking to you people when I could be out raising money to keep you in the gutter where you belong. So you could be a little more grateful, if you don't mind my saying. I'm here, aren't I? Next question.

Taxpayer: Why do you hate Wisconsin?

Suggested response: Well, I'm not from Wisconsin originally, but I did move here when I was 10, so I like to tell people I "grew up in Wisconsin" because, I was literally still growing then, and have continued to live here since. And I guess I would have to say, the main thing I hate about Wisconsin is its history. Especially its history of progressivism, union building, and success. I'd like to see all of this destroyed in a new, better Wisconsin, where there's less talk of "the people" and "moving forward" and more privatizing of everything. Look at craft beers for example - you guys like beers right? - imagine how much better off we'd all be if it was a little easier for Miller/Coors to compete with big brands like Anheuser-Busch? You'd support that, right? You'd take one for the team, right? That's my philosophy for Wisconsin: take one for the team. A team of highly paid corporate lackeys who will control your assets and make sure everything is taken care of. Just think of all the jobs that will be created when all those small-time breweries close down and then all of those people can get the new jobs that I'll create just for them! So don't worry about it! I've got this under control. That's another thing I hate about Wisconsin - there's just too much democracy. The people of this Wisconsin did not hire me to be CEO of this state so that I could spend all my time "listening to the people" and "representing them" - if I did that, nothing would get done around here. And I'm not going to let a handful of people show me what democracy looks like, even if I have to put an end to democracy to avoid seeing that.

Taxpayer: Why are you such a liar?

Suggested response: Well, that's a relative question. I think it's pretty clear, as Stephen Colbert once said, that reality does tend to have a pretty liberal bias, so telling the truth isn't really an option for me if I want to continue duping my supporters into thinking I have the best interests of this state in mind. But, you know, that's a good question, and you certainly have the right to express that point of view, and I respect that.

Taxpayer: What do you think about making the Cream Puff the state dessert, when people of this state have been advocating for years for the Kringle to take the honor?

Suggested response: [start with your phony cackling laugh to break the ice - this is a great question for you to try to wrap things up with!] Well, the people of the great state of Wisconsin really know better than anyone how to make a dessert, and the Cream Puff is pretty famous from what I understand, and there are probably people out there, from Illinois or the Twin Cities, who say the Kringle should have a chance, too. And they have every right to say that. But I'm not going to let a handful of people dictate what dessert the majority of people in line to buy Cream Puffs at the State Fair say is the best dessert in this great state. I'm not going to let them do that. Cream Puffs may be nationally ubiquitous (like the robin), but ours are the best, and we're not going to let them stop us from moving forward on this. And when the people of Wisconsin elected me to be CEO of this state, they knew I was the kind of guy who would make the bold moves, and, hey, we're broke! It's not about "what do we want?" here, it's about "what's going to fix this crisis?" And if there's one thing that can turn this state around, it's our famous Cream Puff.

------

And there you have it! You'll probably get some variations on these same questions, but I think if you just stick to the script and your usual talking points, this could be a really mutually beneficial event and I do not have a doubt that after all these months of being alternately ignored and insulted by you, forcing you to have an actual, meaningful conversation with your constituents you would be the final nail in your political coffin, which is, of course, our ultimate goal.

So, I look forward to what could, potentially, be the last of your disgustingly hypocritical brown bag lunches, and that you'll take this opportunity either to wake up to the fact that we are not going away and you cannot ignore us, or resign.

Until you do,

Heather DuBois Bourenane

Wisconsin citizen and friend of Walkerville and all it represents to your growing and well-earned reputation as a hater of democracy

Walkerville at night is a beautiful sight. Photo: Madthinker.

This is not about the money.  And it never was.  Photo: Madthinker