How to Survive Without Money Using Scott Walker's "Tools"

25 July 2011

Dear friends of dissent,

cc: Scott Walker

If you've been paying attention, you've probably noticed Wisconsin governor Scott Walker often mentions the "tools" he's given us to "tighten our belts" and wondered what this meant, on account of he hasn't actually done anything that benefits anyone in this state except the very richest.  Turns out, interestingly, that these "tools" are "helpful cuts to your pay and benefits" and the "tighten your belt" part really does mean "get skinnier," because you're starving now. Good thing for us, though, a little starving never hurt anyone, unless you get to the part where you "starve to death," which you should try to avoid at all costs. So here are some handy tips on how to get the most out of the tools Scott Walker was generous enough to provide you, but without actually dying:


Buying food

1. Pack a brown bag, plebe! Who do you think you are, eating in restaurants? Paul Ryan? Know your place.
2. Save money on food by not getting hungry.
3. If you must eat (since you leftists think you're entitled to everything!), save money by only eating food that is offered to you free of charge at parties, potlucks, and homeless shelters.
4. Consider going on a grocery strike (since you leftists love striking so much!) and just don't buy a single item of food until your cupboards are completely bare (or did you also think you were "entitled" to a stocked pantry?)
5.  Clean out your fridge and pantry to surprise yourself with things you forgot you had and make a feast. What? After throwing out all the things that expired on or before 2005 you're left with only a box of baking soda, vinegar and some almost-stale tortillas? Wasteful ingrates like you don't deserve to eat.  Make a volcano burrito. It might be good.
6. Raid the neighbor's vegetable garden in the dark of night (since you leftists love organic produce so much). The next day, be sure to go on and on about "all those damned raccoons" you've been seeing in her yard.
7. Swallow your pride. It's more filling than you'd think. 

Buying other stuff

1. Only buy anything if it's on clearance AND you have a coupon. Start referring to your coupon folder as your "tool box."  
2. Reduce! Measure shampoo into a thimble before washing your hair. Limit showers to 2 minutes or less. Only flush the toilet when company is coming over.
3. Reuse!  Use old bills you can't pay as scratch paper for writing lists of all the things your kids aren't going to be able to do this summer because you're so broke.
4. Recycle! Sew last year's too-small winter coats together to make trendy ponchos for the kids to wear this year!
5. Who needs new clothes when you already have so much right here? Kids growing too fast? Just tell them capris and half-shirts are back in style. Shoes have too many holes in them? There's a name for that - sandals! Wardrobe needs a facelift? Give everything a whole new look by embroidering "Recall Walker" on it.
6. Redefine "essentials." Do you really "need" things like deodorant, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?
7.  Take "window shopping" to the next level by just leaving your full cart of stuff at the store. Pretend you bought it, but later, when you go to wash the dishes and there's still no detergent, say "Boy, that went fast!" (repeat)
8. Buy a really fancy copier and just make your own money. The fancy copier just paid for itself! And now you're rich! You can buy anything! [Note: If it doesn't work out, this tip has the bonus advantage of providing potential free room and board in the form of jail time!]

Paying Bills
Unfortunately, even if you follow all of the advice above, your tools don't work on bills, which continue to go up, even though your pay has gone way down.  Luckily, though, there are a couple of options for you:

1. Cancel everything and move into a cardboard box. Problem solved!
2. Move to a state with more jobs and fewer tools.
3. Recall Walker, or persuade him to resign, and elect politicians who are invested in Wisconsin families rather than their corporate funders.

I hope you find this invaluable advice useful and wish you the best surviving Scott Walker.  Let me know how it goes.

Yours in poverty and dissent,

Heather DuBois Bourenane

The Gall of the Wisconsin State Journal

Below is my letter to the editor of the Wisconsin State Journal regarding the paper's decision to run, on the day that Walker signed his budget into law, an opinion piece lambasting supporters of the recalls and painting them as motivated only by anger, partisanship and stubbornness. I don't count on the State Journal to provide much in terms of real commentary; the paper is a corporate mouthpiece and they rarely stray from their dollared script.  But I did expect them to at least address the topic of the budget on the day Walker signed the bill, and I did not expect them to so soundly disrespect the concerns of their readers.  Needless to say, I was disappointed in their editorial perspective and felt compelled to share my opinion. As most of you know,I've got a couple of working mottos - and one of them is this:

If you don't have anything nice to say, 

you have identified a topic about which you are morally obligated to speak at length.

So here's my two cents, and I encourage anyone who agrees that the recall efforts are not, in fact, a waste of time, but a moral imperative, to write the editor as well.

Update:  The editor, Scott Milfred, was kind enough to respond to my concerns and I have included our exchange below, and informed him that I've done so, to which he did not object.

------------------------------

To: The Wisconsin State Journal

Re: Rampant recalls wrong (6/26)

Dear Editor,
 

I was shocked and disgusted to turn to today’s opinion page and find a giant photo and opinion piece, Rampant recalls wrong, just above an insulting cartoon depicting those opposed to Gov. Walker's budget as senseless chickens squawking about.  Of all days, you chose the day Walker signs his budget to announce that you - like he (surprise!) - feel the recalls are a distraction and a waste of time.  I was even more disgusted when I found the article online under the title "The gall of recalls."

Let's set aside the obvious: your consistently editorializing reportage and the hypocrisy of the fact that Walker himself, when elected through a recall election to the seat of County Executive, called recalls “patriotic” and made a tv ad praising recalls as the people's effort to "take their government back."  Apparently, recalls are only patriotic if the person being recalled is a Democrat.

I disagree with the content of the editorial, and that’s fine. We don’t have to agree. But your editorial is offensive because its central assumption (that foes of Walker want to recall him – and certain justices because they’re “mad” at him or for purely political reasons) trivializes the very real concerns that  Wisconsin citizens - and not just public workers - have about Walker's disingenuous budget, corporatist agenda and refusal to communicate with his constituents.

Worse, though, it angers me that this is the piece you chose to run ON THE DAY WALKER SIGNED THE BUDGET. Of all the editorial possibilities this day provided you,  your choice to trivialize the passionate and informed concerns of so many of your readers is insulting at best and a pandering journalistic ruse at worst. By posting this piece today, you shift public attention from the place it should be - on the budget and its catastrophic potential for Wisconsin - and point your own finger of shame at the people who dare to stand up for their state to protect and preserve democracy. What gall indeed. Shame on you.

I received my renewal notice in the mail this week. Don’t hold your breath for my check.

Heather DuBois Bourenane

This cartoon by Paul Hand was just below the editorial, which did little to soften my fury.

UPDATE       28 June 2011

This is the reply I received from the Wisconsin State Journal by email:

Subject

RE: The gall indeed

Thanks for the feedback.

I really don't think it's such a dastardly position to take that rampant recalls are not a good thing from Wisconsin, regardless of whether it's the left or right launching them.

And clearly you are mad at Walker, no? Are you really suggesting anger at Walker over his striping of collective bargaining rights isn't a key factor driving the recalls?

Heck, we are even mad at Walker for some of his dumb moves. And we like some of what he's doing. While we endorsed Walker for governor, we endorsed more Democrats than Republicans for the Legislature. We are fans of split government.

We think offering and allowing a diversity of views on our Opinion page is a good thing for our community and democracy. If you think we are shameful for doing so, I can accept that. But I really think you are reading WAY into one opinion piece that you disagree with. I read opinions on the Opinion page every day that I disagree with. That's because we give preference to publishing reader views that differ from our own. I would find the Opinion page pretty boring if it only reinforced my views every day.

Regardless, if you really think rampant recalls -- those launched by the left and the right -- are good for Wisconsin, why don't you join the conversation and send us a 200-word letter to the editor that includes your address and phone number for verification.

Sincerely,

Scott Milfred
editorial page editor
Wisconsin State Journal
(608) 252-6110
smilfred@madison.com
www.scottmilfred.com
Twitter: @ScottMilfred

and my response to that reply:

Dear Mr. Milfred,

Is this a form response or are you talking to me? Because I don't get the impression from your note that you actually read my letter, which addresses (primarily) your editorial gall in ignoring the budget and making absurd claims about "rampant" recalls (before the recall elections even begin!) on the day Walker signed the budget. As my letter makes clear, it would have been preferable to catalog your reasons for loving Walker's budget (and vetoes! you had access to these with plenty of time to editorialize!) than to ignore the news of the day on your opinion page. 

I find it laughably hypocritical (literally: I laughed aloud at your letter) that you would reply to readers who offer angry and dissenting opinions by saying "a diversity of opinions is a good thing..." so how dare you object to my point of view!  Good one.

I don't expect - or desire - to agree with the editorials from the WSJ; I know you tow the Lee Enterprises line and therefore cannot be considered a reliable news source. So don't flatter yourself by thinking my subscription was a reflection of the paper's content; I subscribed to the Sunday-only Wisconsin State Journal for the coupons (because I'm a fat-cat state worker who's living so high on the hog that I can't even go to the grocery store without my folder full of clippings). News, I get elsewhere. As of Sunday, I also get my coupons elsewhere.

As to your question about being mad at Walker: of COURSE people are mad at Walker, and anger is a motivating force in politics. But to assume that the anger - and not the reasons we are angry - is what drives the need to force him out of office, is precisely what is offensive about your initial opinion piece, and also the email you just sent me.

Sincerely,
Heather

PS There's a typo in your message, so if it is a form response you might want to edit it before you send it to others. It should say "WAY too much..." I believe.  While you're editing, you might also do something about the terribly condescending tone of it, too. People who read the opinion page don't really need to be told that conflicting views are a good thing, for instance.

Reply #2 from Scott Milfred (28 June 2011)

Subject

RE: RE: The gall indeed

Heather,

We most definitely have not ignored the budget. Since you say you don't read the newspaper often, that's probably why you missed all of this. Our top priority, in fact, for this year on the Opinion page has been fixing the state budget mess. And we have weighed in on the state budget dozens of times in just the last few months -- back when it mattered, before the guv signed the thing. WE supported some aspects of the budget and railed against other parts of it.

You really seem to be unloading on the newspaper because you disagreed with one editorial. And what precisely is the Lee Enterprises line? We supported gay marriage before Russ Feingold had the guts to, we're pro-choice, pro-medical marijuana, pro-alternative energy, support most school referendums, want to clean up the embarrassing Supreme Court, fight for open and good government, support a higher beer and gas tax, opposed the Las Vegas loophole -- a key Democratic priority last session -- and just endorsed more Democrats than Republicans in the last (regular, not recall) election.

Is this the terrible agenda you dislike?

Sincerely,

Scott Milfred
editorial page editor
Wisconsin State Journal
(608) 252-6110
smilfred@madison.com
www.scottmilfred.com
Twitter: @ScottMilfred

And response #2 from yours truly:

Dear Scott,

Thanks for your note. I'm not entirely clear on why you're trying to engage me in debate on these issues, considering I was just trying to submit a letter to the editor for publication. I feel compelled to respond, though, to clarify a couple of things, since, for an editor, you do not seem to read particularly closely.

I did not accuse you of ignoring the budget. I simply said (which is clear, again, if you read my original letter) that it is an absurdly telling editorial choice that you would post a piece on the "wrongness" of the recalls on the day Walker signed the budget. 

I also never said I don't read the paper; I do, daily, online (though I admit I go to the Capital Times page first). I said I don't expect to agree with your editorials, and that I don't  consider you a reliable source of news due to your established conservative bias, which taints and distorts most of your reporting. My concerns with Lee Enterprises have to do with the increasingly conservative tone of the paper, and its apparent influence over Madison Newspaper's drive to render obsolete and relegate it to online-only the paper I trusted much more for independent news, the Cap Times.

Your laundry list of things with which I might agree is interestingly irrelevant to my letter and my concerns, and your assumption that I am not aware of these things, is (yet again) annoyingly condescending. Your decision to promote yourself, rather than address the responsibility you bear in shaping the political discourse in Madison and throughout the state, speaks volumes.

I find it ridiculous that you accuse me of "unloading on the paper because I disagree with one editorial."  I wrote a letter to the editor on the topic of one of editorial, which ran last Sunday. It's my understanding that this is the customary approach in a Letter to the Editor. If you prefer, in the future, that your readers address every single item with which they disagree, you might consider lifting your 200-word limit restriction.  I have disagreed with countless editorials that you have provided, but that has little to do with the topic of the letter I wrote on Sunday.

If you're trying to win back a customer, by the way, you're taking a curious approach. 

Heather

PS: Just so you know, I maintain a blog, Monoloques of Dissent, where I make public my open letters to Scott Walker and others.  I have posted this correspondence on my page, with links to the editorial in  your paper, as I thought your previous response was an autoreply. I plan to post this reply as well, unless you have reason to request otherwise. I assume that as editor of the opinion page you do not have a problem with your response to my letter being made public.

 Reply #3 from Scott Milfred (28 June 2011)

Subject  RE: RE: RE: The gall indeed
I've been trying to address your concerns.

If you'd like to submit a letter to the editor, it needs to be 200 words. We limit the length so more voices can be heard. Also, you would need to include both your phone number and address for verification.

I'm glad we agree on my long laundry list! :)

Scott Milfred
editorial page editor
Wisconsin State Journal
(608) 252-6110
smilfred@madison.com
www.scottmilfred.com
Twitter: @ScottMilfred

And response #3 from yours truly:

Dear Scott,

I do appreciate that  you've been trying to address my concerns, but you did ask me a number of direct questions in your email, which I interpret (rightfully) as engaging me in debate about these topics.  Apologies, however, if I mistook these questions for literal ones if you meant them rhetorically. If, however, the latter is the case, I think your response was even more condescending than I originally thought.

Here is an abbreviated 195-word version of my initial letter which I hope you will consider including - sorry I didn't meet the word requirement the first time around; thought I came close. But being brief is not my specialty.
--------------------------------

Dear Editor,

I was disgusted to find Rampant recalls wrong, just above a cartoon depicting those opposed to Gov. Walker's budget as senseless chickens squawking about.  I was even more disgusted to find the article online under the title "The gall of recalls” (which you have since changed).

Your editorial is offensive because its central assumption (that the recalls are motivated simply by people being “mad,” or for purely political reasons) trivializes the very real concerns that taxpaying Wisconsin citizens have about Walker's blatant dishonesty, unconscionable budget, corporatist agenda and refusal to communicate with his constituents.

Worse, though, is that this is the piece you chose to run on the day Walker signed the budget.  Of all your editorial possibilities, your choice to disregard the informed concerns of so many citizens is insulting at best and a pandering journalistic ruse at worst. By posting this piece today, you shift public attention from the place it should be - on the budget and its catastrophic potential for Wisconsin - and point your own finger of shame at the people who dare to stand up for their state to protect and preserve democracy. What gall indeed. Shame on you.

Heather DuBois Bourenane
(address, phone - again)

 Reply #4 from Scott Milfred (28 June 2011)

I think you are reading into my responses. Maybe I am reading into yours. That's one of the downsides of email. In any case, your letter looks fine to me, and thanks for the verification info.

Scott Milfred
editorial page editor
Wisconsin State Journal
(608) 252-6110
smilfred@madison.com
www.scottmilfred.com
Twitter: @ScottMilfred

 Response #4 from me (28 June 2011)

That could very well be, Scott. I do tend to read into things. 

I just realized, though, that I forgot to add the postscript to my original letter, which I feel is important!  Can you please make sure this gets added if you do chose to print my letter:

My subscription ends today.

Good thing I had 5 words left!

In any case, none of this is intended to be personal, and I hope it didn't come across as such. My disappointment with the paper is a reflection on the editorial tone and content of the paper more generally, and of the decision to run this particular opinion piece on a day when you were well aware that many Wisconsin citizens were extremely invested in, and devastated by, the signing into law of a bill they view as detrimental enough to the welfare of the state that it warrants a recall.

Look at that! I was just kind of brief. That's new for me. 

Thanks for considering the letter,
Heather

Update (6/28/2011): I came home to a very cordial message from Mr. Milfred on my answering machine, saying he enjoyed our exchange this afternoon and that my letter will be printed in the Sunday paper. Thanks, Scott! I'll look for it online! 

Update (7/4/2012): My letter, sans postscript, did appear in yesterday's paper, and online here.  
 

Breaking News: Scott Walker accidentally says something true

22 June 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

I was absolutely shocked this week to read, in an article whose very title ("Walker says most voters aren't interested in recall elections and want to 'move on'") makes clear that there's going to be some serious lying going on, that you actually, if accidentally, said something true.

http://www.loleconomy.com/images/inconvenient_truth.jpg

Before we get to your accidental truths, though, I just have to say first that I find unconscionable your audacity in making claims about what voters are "interested in," considering your absolute refusal to engage in any sort of dialogue or discussion with, respond to, or even make eye contact with as far as I can tell, any citizens of Wisconsin who do not blindly support you.  I, for instance, have been telling you for months exactly what I'm interested in, and it's generally a tie between your recall and your resignation, and you keep telling me how you're going to keep those specific comments in mind. Your phony, tired claims about the "majority" become increasingly ingratiating the longer you refuse to connect with your constituents. The very idea of  of you having any idea what people are "interested" in is an absurdity of the highest order. You claim, in this  interview, that you're not really a divisive or "polarizing" force, that the unions are the ones dividing the people of Wisconsin. But the fact that you continue to refuse to acknowledge or communicate with us, coupled with your audacity in claiming to speak for us, proves otherwise. You are the most divisive governor in the United States. And I cannot wait to see you recalled.

That aside, though, I think it's a rare enough occasion for you to say something true that we should take a minute to discuss it.  To rule out any confusion, I should probably make clear that I am not talking about the most glaring lie in this article, in which you pretend (as usual) that unions - and not you, personally, are responsible for the outrage over your attempt to both revoke teachers' rights AND cut education so drastically that districts have no choice but to balance their budgets in cuts to staff and wage freezes. You said: “The union is purposely ginning up this mindset that (teachers) are under attack, they’re under siege --  I think unfortunately creating great fear and division among teachers and other public employees, with the whole idea (to) use this as an issue to try to leverage a change in the political leadership.”  Unbelievable. You could not have gotten this more wrong. Nothing true here.

The truth, ironically, comes in the bit where you babble on about how people "aren't interested" in the upcoming and inevitable recall elections, including your own. Here's what you said, in case you forgot:

“People are ready to move on,” Walker said in an interview after an appearance in Washington, D.C. “And I don’t just mean one party or another. I think just in general. The average citizen in Wisconsin I talk to, it’s like they’ve had it … They want us to be talking about jobs. They want us to be focused on that … And so having another political campaign -- it’s going to happen, it’s not like they can avoid it. But it’s not something they’re particularly interested in.”
Walker said that “when I talk to people, if that issue comes up, they’re like, ‘Can’t that just be over?'”

Crazy, I know, right? Where to start with this?  Well, why don't we start by addressing the lies, since they are the elephants in the room:

• You don't talk to "average citizens." You only talk to those you count among the faithful. The rest of us you ignore and/or insult.
• People don't want to hear you talking about jobs. They want you to create jobs instead of destroying the ones we already have, which you are not doing.
• People aren't just "interested" in the recalls. They are invested in them. They are passionate about them. And not just because we want to see "our own party" in office, as you imply. But because we have been shocked back to life by the egregious abuses of power that we have seen in your administration and we could not possibly be more interested in seeing you out of office.  It's the #1 thing we're interested in, actually. 
• The majority of people in Wisconsin want you out of office. Period.  You would lose in an election held today and you know it. You are deliberately and intentionally lying to promote the impression that the "silent majority" supports you despite the fact that you know full well this is untrue. You should be ashamed of yourself for never once giving serious, respectful attention to the outrage, fears and concerns of over half of the people in Wisconsin. Shame.

But in spite of the usual, shameful lies, not much is news here; we've heard all this before. There's a great analysis of your lies here, in a very nice article titled "Disingenuous Walker Lies Disingenuously" (the only way you know how).  We're used to your lies. But the surprise was in the truth.  Here's what you said that is true:

• People are ready to move on.  

That is so true! We are ready to move on (dot org!). We are ready to move on to the recalls. We are ready to move on to undoing the damage that has been done to our economy, our schools and our government (which, thanks to you and your cohort the people now have shockingly little faith in). We are ready to move on to getting real work done that brings people together to move Wisconsin forward. We are ready to tighten our belts and do our share, but we are ready to stop the tax cuts to the wealthy and corporate power-launderers who have purchased control of our government. We are ready. We are energized (thanks to you!). And we will move on. Without you.

I am ready to move on. Are you?  

Resign.

And soon,
Heather DuBois Bourenane
Taxpayer, future recall election voter, and average Wisconsin citizen who is extremely interested in seeing you out of office

PS: Remember how YOU were elected County Executive in Milwaukee in a recall election yourself and you praised people for "standing up and taking their government back?"  Turns out you accidentally said something true then, too:  "Too much is at stake not to get involved in the game." As true today as when you said it then. You might want to keep that in mind as your henchman Fitzgerald the Elder fights to take away this right to ensure a government of, for and by the people.

Knock, knock. WHO'S THERE? The people. THE PEOPLE WHO?

 15 June 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

Sorry to fall out of touch this last week, but it has been CRAZY around here!  Super busy with work. Summer now so I have to work more jobs, and there was car trouble and the buying of a new car ("show me the cheapest car on your lot, sir!"), plus the kids had their last week of school and I had a lot of volunteer work to do for that, and I was trying to keep up with all the madness at the Capitol (so busy!) and then the kids and I were visiting my family in Michigan. You know, Michigan, the state one of your bosses owns?  You are going to be so jealous when I tell you that I was close enough to one of the DeVos mansions in Holland that I could actually smell the money of the thousands of plebes at the bottom of the pyramid who trickled their money up, up, up the ladder so that Betsy could one day reign supreme over them and demand a "return on her investment."  Seriously. I was that close. You would have loved it. There was poverty everywhere, and then their "house" in all its opulent excess. The only thing missing was a life-sized statue of a camel entering the eye of needle, which is a metaphor for how hard it is to get into a good charter school, and why Jesus wants us to have vouchers because it's not fair that all the godless liberals and poor people get a "free" education while the good children of the Lord have to pay top dollar. Jesus just loves trickle-down education.  I think that's what he meant by "suffer the children unto me." It takes visionaries and prophets like you and your friends to know that he meant that suffering part literally.

Anyway, I digress. I have a few items of business that we'd better get to, since it's been a while, and I know how you love business.  First, you can stop looking forward to it right now because I am NOT taking the bait on your mean-spirited "statement" yesterday about how the Supreme Court's partisan overturning of the illegal vote ruling is a step toward jobs etc.  Whatever. We all knew your bill would pass, and we all knew you got what you paid for in David Prosser, so we'll see you in the higher courts or the recall elections, whatever comes first. I'm ready for that fight.

I'd like to share, instead, my thoughts on your disgusting display of hubris at the Housing Conference last week, and take the time to identify three specific ways in which you've proved, yet again, that you are a selfish egomaniac with no regard whatsoever for the welfare of this state.

1. In your infinite arrogance, you actually suggest that you can make "a case" for eliminating collective bargaining.  Here's what the Wisconsin State Journal says:  "Walker took two questions from the conference audience. Asked if there was anything he wished he had done differently, Walker said he should have "spent more time building a case" for his view that collective bargaining should be seen as "not a right, but an expensive entitlement" for public employees." Spend more time? What? You've had months. And your constant pingponging between two equally moronic lies ("Denying people their right to collective bargaining will save the economy" and "Denying people their right to collective bargaining has no fiscal component")  has proven, without a doubt, that you have no reasonable case to make.  But, even if you did, I'm sorry to inform you that you don't get to "make a case" for what our rights are. These rights, it turns out, are inalienable. And they are protected by state, federal and international law. And among them is the right to organize our labor and engage in collective bargaining with our employers. So you can leave your delusions of grandeur at the Governor's mansion next to your picture of yourself in a monocle and come back to earth. 
2. You continue to spread the absurd lie that your policies will not lead to increased taxes.  Who do you think is going to have to foot the bill to keep our schools running now that you've gutted education? Our kids will pay that price, and local communities are already scrambling to figure out how to clean up this mess. By shifting the burden of fiscal responsibility to the local level and the working poor, you give the duplicitous illusion that you're doing something responsible when in fact you're just screwing the working class two ways: not only will I have to pay more, I'll be taking home less pay, too.  And I live in a district that can afford it! What of the rural areas where schools literally don't have a dime to spare and people are stretched too thin already to foot any more of the bill?  What of these people? What magic voucher does Jesus want them to receive to lift their kids out of that nightmare?
3. I save the worst for last, and I think you know what it is. Just when I think you've outdone yourself in insulting us, just when I thought it was not possible for you to be any more disrespectful or demeaning,  you manage to remind us once again how little regard you really have for the needs and concerns of your constituents.  There you are, standing before a throng of adoring money-lenders and exploiters of the poor, waxing sanctimonious about all the good you're doing for this state, when you - quite out of character, actually, since you usually prefer to pretend we don't exist - acknowledge the banging of the crowd of protesters outside your event, who have gathered to defend the rights of the needy to secure housing.  BANG! BANG! go the protesters. And you have the nerve to say, "That's opportunity knocking for all of us now."  Your acolytes hoot and howl with glee at your hilarious joke, and it doesn't go unnoticed by the press. It doesn't go unnoticed by me, either.  Which "opportunity," exactly, are you referring to here?  The opportunity to strip us of our rights? The opportunity to mock us? The opportunity to force through your agenda despite the dissent of the people because you have no regard whatsoever for democracy or decorum? The opportunity to prove, once again, and publicly, how much you hate the people of Wisconsin?  Well, congratulations. You have proven all of these things. And then some.

I have a lot more to say to you, but that's enough for tonight.  I'd like to offer you, in closing, the opportunity to resign. Will you take it? Or hold out for the recalls?  Shame to waste such an extraordinary opportunity.

Resign.
Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin taxpayer

Knock, knock.  

Who's there?

The people.

The people who?

 image: http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJGALSDPnSrqUYBlloIU558lF8xmUmYS-MMEeKnmbVrV5rZ7fx

RE: An Open Letter to My Leftist Cats, and Scott Walker

Editor's Note: The following is part of an ongoing exchange between me, Scott Walker and my leftist cats. The most recent letter is at the end of the correspondence below.  It's worth nothing that Scott Walker has yet to respond, but I anticipate that will change now that his sharp-shooting staff finally figured out how to set up auto-reply.

Sitta's motto: TAX THE RICH

An Open Letter to My (Leftist) Cats, and Scott Walker

19 March 2011

cc: Scott Walker

Dear Luna and Sitta,

I'm pretty sure you can't read this, given your tiny cat brains, but considering my latest passtime is writing letters to people who won't read them, I thought I'd take a few minutes to share some concerns I have that directly concern you.

First, what the hell is wrong with you guys? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love having you around, but sometimes you act like such jerks. I don't know what happened to you before you wound up at the Humane Society, but you've lived here almost a year now, and I think it's high time you get used to the two basic facts of your existence: (1) I will always feed you. Twice a day. So you don't have to pretend you haven't eaten in six weeks every morning when I wake up. I will get you your morning food as soon as I make my coffee, just like I did the other 300-some days in a row.  Get used to it. And please stop that incessant whining, because maybe if you weren't making that terrible noise it wouldn't be so important that I had my coffee first, and you might get your breakfast right away. Let's try that and see how it goes for a few weeks. (2) I am the person who cleans your litter box, and I'm never going to take it away from you, or fill it with poison litter, or pee or poop in there myself.  So you can stop running in and taking a crap right in front of my face every night like we all don't know whose "territory" that is. It's disgusting, and it's really not helping me at all in the "be a better cat person" department.  Those are the first two things.

Second, can you believe that Scott Walker? What a dog! I hold him personally responsible for the way I've been neglecting you guys lately, what with having to spend so much extra time online at night reading all the news and writing angry letters. I know you've grown accustomed to a little attention after the kids go to bed, but since Scott Walker refuses to respond to my messages, or talk honestly to anyone who disagrees with him, I'm forced to fret over it all night long. So I guess we can add DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE HAPPINESS OR WELFARE OF CATS to our list of reasons to hate Scott Walker.  But seriously, can you cats believe that guy? He still plans to sell state-owned power plants to no-bid, won't-name, private buyers (Kochs). I wonder if he'll still try to make provisions so that it's legal for them to discriminate based on sexual orientation (have fun trying that one out). Worse, though, he's already frozen enrollment in BadgerCare, leaving the working, uninsured poor who are willing to pay for insurance totally screwed once again. Meanwhile, Scott Fitzgerald wants me to be taxed without representation, and JB Van Hollen  breaks his month-long silence on all these broken laws by saying he plans to appeal the temporary restraining order issued to halt the bill's publication while its legality is assessed. I'm starting to think all of these guys hate kittens, I really am. I hope you two don't think all humans are like that.

I left you home alone again today to go downtown and do some shouting. Things seemed pretty tame after getting used to the huge crowds for a while, but there were still thousands of people out there.  I was almost glad we were here this week instead of last week at the big rally - they needed us more today.  But as long as Walker gives us a new reason to be furious everyday, I don't think our movement will lose momentum. He sure hasn't disappointed so far.  Thanks for not tearing the place up while we were gone.  It's good to know I can trust you. Wish I could say that about our governor.

Much love,

Heather

PS I will feed you first thing in the morning. Please don't come sharpen your claws on my back in the night, ok?

autoreply (do not respond)

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your concerns about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are off-course. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to improve this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Cats

Editor's note:
  Letters to cats: 1
  Replies: 1
  Letters to Walker: lost count
  Replies: 0

Clarification: My cats do not support Scott Walker

20 March 2011

Dear Luna and Sitta,

Thank you for the speedy response! You are the best kittens, you really are. So thoughtful. I hope you don't take it personally that I lumped my concerns about your behavior together with my concerns about Scott Walker. After thinking about it for a while, I realized you might take that the wrong way, and I wanted to clear up that I by no means intended to imply that I associate you with Walker, or that my grievances with you are in any way comparable to my grievances with him, or that the consequences of your actions could ever cause the grand-scale damage that Walker's will cause for Wisconsin.  I did not mean to imply that at all! I love you cats. I really do.  And I think you know that, in your little cat hearts, in the same way that I think Scott Walker knows, in his own tiny heart, that he's doing the wrong thing. Because people who are doing the right thing don't have to lie so much. And they don't have to refuse to communicate with people with whom they disagree. And also they aren't publicly stealing from the poor to give to the rich, or trying as hard as they can to unlevel the playing field for children in public schools, or blaming public servants for all of society's problems, or trying to ruin the lives of cute little kittens and the people who love them.

So please don't take any of that personally, ok?! I know you cats would never, ever support Scott Walker or his plan to privatize every last sparkle in the eyes of Wisconsin's children. I'm a pretty open person, but everybody knows I would never have adopted conservative cats, just like I would never have moved, knowingly, into a red state.  I just want you to know that I love you and respect you and think you are the world's cutest cats.  I really do. And  I am going to make it up to you very soon with extra treats and maybe, just out of guilt, I'll give you your morning food before I make my coffee tomorrow.  You cute little kittens deserve it! (Just please don't make that whining sound, ok? Just once?)

Much love,

Heather

P.S. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that Scott Walker has still not replied. He's busy not replying to thousands of letters from thousands of people, and fundraising, and having a taxpayer-funded private chef pack his bag lunch, and whatnot. I'm sure we'll hear from him eventually. Should be an interesting (auto)reply, given the unautorepliability of our correspondence.

cc: Scott Walker

autoreply (do not respond) [2]

March 21, 2011

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your approval about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are doing the job we were elected to do. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to help spread the word about this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Leftist Cats

Editor's note:
  Letters to cats: 2
  Replies: 2
  Letters to Walker: lost count
  Replies: 0

Subject: THANK YOU! (Cats, not Walker)

RE: An Open Letter to My Leftist Cats, and Scott Walker

2 June 2011

cc: Scott Walker

Dear Luna and Sitta,

I owe you a word of thanks.

It's not often these days that people (or leftist cats) take seriously the concerns and requests of the people who write to them, and I am ashamed to say that in my fury over the refusal of Scott Walker to respond to or address the concerns of his constituents, I have not taken the time to convey my deep appreciation for your willingness to compromise and negotiate.  

I am consistently impressed with the professional, respectful and courteous way in which you've dealt with my (sometimes impolite) demands, and, most notably, I want to thank you for meeting the three most pressing of my requests: not pooping  in the litter box while I am cleaning it, not whining so much in the morning, and not sharpening your claws on me while I'm sleeping. 

You two are models of social responsibility, the value of working together, and the power of a written request. Even more, you're proof that leftist cats are, in virtually every way, superior to incompetent leaders who simply march through their days as if the world is their litter box, taking craps in every face and then kicking up the sand to add insult to injury.

Note to Scott Walker: I know you're a very literal guy, so I should explain that that is what leftist cats and I call a metaphor. It's a metaphor for the kind of things you do to the people of Wisconsin (like take away teachers' rights then show up at their schools and force them to listen to you read Oh! The Places You'll Go!.  Or constantly claiming that illegally taking away our constitutional and human right to collective bargaining will fix the economy, but also constantly saying that there's no "fiscal" component to the union-busting bill. Or how you are secretly trying to privatize everything in the state, resulting in the loss of thousand of jobs, but then you snakily claim that the "new jobs" created (by firing people from the jobs they currently hold) are good for the economy. Or how you turned down much-needed federal funds to support the high-speed rail that would bring this state's economy back to life, and then turned around and granted crony contracts to all the highwaymakers who contributed to your campaign to build roads we wouldn't need if we had the rail. Or saying you support public education and then cutting all the funding, and then going a step further by traveling all over the country drumming up support for plans to steal public money to fund private education.  That's the kind of metaphorical crap you constantly deliver us, and the metaphorical litter you throw in our faces when you're done).

Sorry, cats, I know that was already clear to you, but Mr. Walker needs people to break things down for him. You know how he is.  Anyway, I just want to say again that I'm sorry for not properly thanking you sooner, and I really do appreciate how sweet and leftist you are.  You are the best.

Much love (to you, kitties; not you, Walker - you can resign),

Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin taxpayer and friend of leftist cats and humans

autoreply (do not respond) [3]

June 2, 2011

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your approval about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are doing the job we were elected to do. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to help spread the word about this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Leftist Cats

Message from Governor Scott Walker (June 2, 2011)

Thank you for your e-mail message.  I welcome you expressing your views and concerns to me, and I commend you for participating in your state government.  I take into account the views of all of the citizens of Wisconsin, and I will keep your specific comments in mind during my service as your Governor.

If you would like more information about my positions on issues, or would like to read my public statements on issues, I encourage you to explore my website: www.walker.wi.gov.  I like to respond individually to every letter and telephone call I receive; however, I cannot respond to each e-mail individually due to the volume.  If your request is time sensitive, please call my office at (608) 266-1212. You may also write to me via conventional mail at Governor Scott Walker: PO Box 7863, Madison, WI 53707.

As noted on our website, please know that any communications may be subject to release under Wisconsin's public records law and that our policy is generally to release communications sent to this email address.

Once again, thank you for contacting me. Please feel free to contact me again if I can ever be of assistance to you.

Sincerely,

Scott Walker
Governor

Editor's note:

  Letters to leftist cats: 3

  Replies: 3

  Letters to Walker: lost count

  Replies: [autoreplies started in early May. 0 actual responses from Governor. Click here to see my response to his autoreply, which, true to character, is useless and lame]

Luna says: RECALL WALKER

Keep your brown bag full of tools away from our schools

31 May 2011/1 June 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

Sorry I haven't written to you in few days. It took me some time to calm down enough to send you a letter that didn't have so much swearing. And I warn you that I'm not going to make any promises in that department, on account of you being such an insufferable ass and everything. But I'll do my best.

Why, you ask, am I too angry to write to you?  After all, I've been mad this whole time, and that hasn't stopped me, even if I have, on occasion, made reference to your assholery or the fact that you are a duplicitous jackass.  But why am I so mad that I can't write without degenerating into a rage-fueled barrage of foul language?  It's so unlike me not to be able to rant away! What's so special about this week?

Well, it's partly because the poll tax bill went through this week, effectively legalizing the disenfranchisement of tens of thousands of Wisconsin voters and - adding insult to a deep, deep injury - stealing money from our state's exemplary Election Campaign Fund in order fund this $7.5 million piece of totally unwarranted legislation.

And it's partly because Kloppenburg conceded the Supreme Court race after an unsuccessful recount, despite the fact that there were enough irregularities to warrant a federal investigation of election fraud, forcing me to wonder once again how I came to live in a state in which so many people would willingly vote for a man who openly called a colleague a bitch in a fit of workplace rage, then justified it by claiming she goaded him into, like "they" do.

And it's partly because of the absurd slap in the face which is the authorizing of unprecedented budget cuts to public education, and then trying to pacify the masses by calling a paltry $116 million adjustment to your proposed cuts a "roll back" (hey! worked for Wal-Mart! These idiots will buy anything!) as if we won't notice the $800 MILLION CUTS to public ed, or that they just moved " $160 million from the state's main account into roads and bridges - money that otherwise could have gone toward schools or other priorities." Seeing your proposals go through the Republican legislation essentially unchallenged isn't just infuriating; it's scary. It shows that our elected officials very clearly are not listening to public or expert testimony and that they are driven solely by party politics, a case which could not be more clear in any instance than the negligent partisanship of Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, who is as disinterested in the rule of law as he is in justice.

And it's partly because I'm terrified of the obscene conceal-carry law, and how no one seems to care about your plan to steal the pensions of public workers, and how now it's legal for municipalities in Wisconsin not to test their water.

But mainly it's because you've really amped up your efforts to disparage, disrepect, defund and destroy public schools in recent weeks. Powered, one imagines, by the residual ego-inflation of your moment of hobnobbery with the rich and dangerous in Washington, you returned to Wisconsin ready to launch a whirlwind tour of school visits and school hating, and you're doing so with an arrogance and level of contempt that is shocking even for you.

How dare you? How dare you force your way into the schools you're trying to destroy and make those poor teachers suffer through a "brown bag" (tm) lunch with you? How dare you "read" to the children whose futures you are doing everything in your seemingly unlimited power to restrict? (I put "read" in quotes because I still have no firm proof that this is a skill you actually possess). How dare you speak to the press - FROM  A PUBLIC SCHOOL! - and say that it doesn't matter to you in the least that a judge has declared your union-busting legislation illegal; you'll push it through some other way, no matter what it takes. Paul Fanlund got it exactly right:

"GOP operatives have been able to create and foster resentment toward teachers by other members of the middle class. Of all Republican hypocrisies, top prize must go to the complaint that it is Democrats who promote "class warfare" by proposing tax increases on the wealthy. All the while, the GOP relentlessly tries to split the middle class, pitting those who work for private employers against public employees. "

You think that you can keep visiting public schools, day after day, and continue to ignore the protesters, and their protests. And it seems to be working. You've broken me down to the point where it seems so utterly pointless to write to you that I can barely control my rage.

But guess, what, Scott Walker? A cute little baby who hates you as much as I do has inspired me to remember that solidarity doesn't end at the rally. And I'm not alone in not giving up. You can visit as many schools as you want, but that's not going to fool me for a minute into thinking you support education. This abuse of power will not stand. And we will not stand down.

12:11 am. So it's officially June now. Which means you have about seven more months to go around making a fool of yourself at schools and subjecting teachers to the humiliation of having to share physical space with you as you mock them. Meanwhile, we'll keep keeping you honest, by which I mean making public your lies and abuses of power. And we'll keep reminding you of this cute little baby, who hates you so much, since we know how you like to keep our "specific comments in mind":

Stop wasting taxpayer dollars to jet around the state visiting schools that don't want you anywhere near them. I hope you have the nerve to visit my son's school, so that I can launch a major letter-writing campaign and make sure my son does not attend school that day.  And so you could see how beautiful it is when all the teachers wear red in solidarity against your attacks on them, and our children. And also so we can make sure the media gets some good footage of the staff parking lot, where car after car sends the same message: RECALL WALKER.

Or you could just resign.

With all due respect (which, in your case, is none),

Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin taxpayer, parent, advocate of justice, and person capable of hardly swearing at all while addressing you

P.S. Remember your hokey "brown bag" campaign? It's been ironically repurposed. Enjoy:

This is what a school parking lot looks like.

Wisconsin Children's Union Local 2011 (free poster!)

Click here to download the part-color version.
 Now available on cafepress - buttons, stickers and more! http://www.cafepress.com/WIChildrensUnion

Dear supporters of children's rights and protectors of Wisconsin's future,

Of all the rally signs I've made, my favorite is the "Wisconsin Children's Union" one. I chanced across this picture  (at right) of my daughter and me at a snowy February rally in Madison on WEAC's facebook page. Since I keep getting requests to share it, I'm providing it here it is for easy copy/pasting and borrowing of any kind (see below for other versions). If you've got better skills and want the original version for editing, be my guest. Just email me and I'll send the file.

This sign is my favorite because it's a constant reminder that this fight is not about the money, and it's not about the budget. It's about our rights, and it's about our future. 

The struggle in Wisconsin is about labor, for sure. It's about protecting workers' rights and ensuring that current and future generations will have a say in their own lives. But it is also about draconian cuts to education and basic health care services that affect our children directly. 

In the early days of this uprising and continually since, Wisconsin teachers have stood together and given our children the best lesson in civics we could have asked for: teaching them that democracy means standing up for what's right when it's time to stand. As a parent, I continue to teach that lesson every time my children join me at the Capitol, every time they see me sending a letter to our elected officials, every time we talk to each other, and to friends, neighbors and others in our community, about how important it is for us to stand up for our rights.  I am proud to have my children join me in this struggle, and I can only hope that these moments of solidarity are among their earliest - and fondest - memories.  Our children aren't just witnesses to this struggle; these children ARE the struggle. And they need to be here even more than the rest of us. It is our moral obligation as parents to let our children know that being a productive member of society means standing up, speaking out, and coming together. This is what democracy looks like, and it's cute as a button.

The children, united, will never be defeated!

Solidarity!

Heather

Listening. Learning.

Download the black & white version here.

Download the full color version here.

Thank you, educators, for the excellent lesson in civics!