19 March 2011cc: Scott Walker
Dear Luna and Sitta,
I'm pretty sure you can't read this, given your tiny cat brains, but considering my latest passtime is writing letters to people who won't read them, I thought I'd take a few minutes to share some concerns I have that directly concern you.
First, what the hell is wrong with you guys? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love having you around, but sometimes you act like such jerks. I don't know what happened to you before you wound up at the Humane Society, but you've lived here almost a year now, and I think it's high time you get used to the two basic facts of your existence: (1) I will always feed you. Twice a day. So you don't have to pretend you haven't eaten in six weeks every morning when I wake up. I will get you your morning food as soon as I make my coffee, just like I did the other 300-some days in a row. Get used to it. And please stop that incessant whining, because maybe if you weren't making that terrible noise it wouldn't be so important that I had my coffee first, and you might get your breakfast right away. Let's try that and see how it goes for a few weeks. (2) I am the person who cleans your litter box, and I'm never going to take it away from you, or fill it with poison litter, or pee or poop in there myself. So you can stop running in and taking a crap right in front of my face every night like we all don't know whose "territory" that is. It's disgusting, and it's really not helping me at all in the "be a better cat person" department. Those are the first two things.
Second, can you believe that Scott Walker? What a dog! I hold him personally responsible for the way I've been neglecting you guys lately, what with having to spend so much extra time online at night reading all the news and writing angry letters. I know you've grown accustomed to a little attention after the kids go to bed, but since Scott Walker refuses to respond to my messages, or talk honestly to anyone who disagrees with him, I'm forced to fret over it all night long. So I guess we can add DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE HAPPINESS OR WELFARE OF CATS to our list of reasons to hate Scott Walker. But seriously, can you cats believe that guy? He still plans to sell state-owned power plants to no-bid, won't-name, private buyers (Kochs). I wonder if he'll still try to make provisions so that it's legal for them to discriminate based on sexual orientation (have fun trying that one out). Worse, though, he's already frozen enrollment in BadgerCare, leaving the working, uninsured poor who are willing to pay for insurance totally screwed once again. Meanwhile, Scott Fitzgerald wants me to be taxed without representation, and JB Van Hollen breaks his month-long silence on all these broken laws by saying he plans to appeal the temporary restraining order issued to halt the bill's publication while its legality is assessed. I'm starting to think all of these guys hate kittens, I really am. I hope you two don't think all humans are like that.
I left you home alone again today to go downtown and do some shouting. Things seemed pretty tame after getting used to the huge crowds for a while, but there were still thousands of people out there. I was almost glad we were here this week instead of last week at the big rally - they needed us more today. But as long as Walker gives us a new reason to be furious everyday, I don't think our movement will lose momentum. He sure hasn't disapponted so far. Thanks for not tearing the place up while we were gone. It's good to know I can trust you. Wish I could say that about our governor.
PS I will feed you first thing in the morning. Please don't come sharpen your claws on my back in the night, ok?