Jacob Barnes: A letter of appreciation to Scott Walker

Guest post from Jacob Barnes....an open letter to the governor, in appreciation of the helpful tools and in celebration of the upcoming memoir, Unintimidatedable: The Bully Who Couldn't Be Bullied.
Dear Governor Walker,

More than a year after your courageous stand against the tyranny of so many, I have come to realize and appreciate the improvements you have boldly brought to our state. At first, I didn't understand your reforms because of union thug intimidation and the liberal media's bias covering your actions in the State of Wisconsin. I apologize for protesting against your valiant ideals. I'm so sorry I allowed Madison liberals to coerce me into acting on their behalf, but I was poor and they paid protestors well.

After I was inside their cartel, fear of big labor bullying my family if I deviated from their communist agenda kept me on a terrible, terrible path. Terror forced me to serve a dark master, but now I see the error of my ways. I can never undo all those times we heiled Hitler, burned American flags and saluted Lennon in our secret meetings, but I can express my regret that I ever forsook your high moral standards.

I was also blinded by my dependence on government to provide a safety net while I struggle with a chronic, disabling illness. I realize now that I can just pull myself up by my bootstraps, acquiring the medication and care I need to get better without any help whatsoever. I see now that corporations depend on you for tax breaks, subsidies and liability reductions so they can have enough money after profits to donate to your reelection. I thank God that the millions of dollars they give to you go towards squashing those Marxist laborers, keeping you out of prison by funding your criminal defense fund and spreading your message of reforms all around the country.

It wasn't until you presented a new way of measuring jobs that I even began questioning the intense brain washing I endured at the hands of labor cahoots, dirty hippies and feminist extremists. When you said “We're just under 100,000” I KNEW it was working! It was working and I knew if you could stand up to blue collar workers, so could I! I would be 'Unintimidated' just like you!

Thank you Scott Walker for the $2 tax break! Perhaps next year, after I've sold everything I own and maxed out all the credit available to me, I will be able to purchase the medications I need and get better. Then I'll have enough taxable income to take advantage of that $2 tax break, if Big Labor assassins allow me to live that long. Maybe someday I'll even become a job creator! Imagine the tax breaks I could get then! Don't worry Governor, I will give back. I will help you become President of The United States!

I'm sorry I ever doubted you,

Jacob Barnes

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