Princesses, Passports and Priorities: An Open Letter

It's been a while since I had to post on the perils of gender-stereotyping and child-rearing, but I feel obligated to make this letter I recently sent to my school district an open one since this is an issue confronting many parents in many communities.  I don't at all enjoy sending these kinds of letters and, to be frank, I'm disgusted that I have to in 2012. 

We received an email on April 9, 2012 from our school district inviting us to two separate events: a father-daughter dance (for princesses!) and a mother-son challenge (for problem-solvers!).  While both of the events undoubtedly have merits in their own right, and I have learned since that the organizers might allow children of either gender to attend either event, the way they are juxtaposed and the wording on the registration forms makes crystal clear that boys only are to attend the problem-solving event (the form has spaces for "Number of sons" and "Name of adult") while only girls are to attend the Father-Daughter Dance.  While it seems one could bring a parent of either gender to these events, there's not really room for interpretation on which students are allowed to attend each event.  So unless your son wants a corsage and your daughter wants to sign up as a "son", I'm not really buying that these events are actually open to either gender. Everything in the language says otherwise.

As parents who hope to raise strong, confident, independent children, we feel we have enough problems dealing with social and political pressures that replicate gender stereotypes and sex-based discrimination without having to deal with the outright celebration of explicit gender bias in our schools.  This is our family's response to that message.  The original message from the district is below it; I left out the contact info for the program coordinator, as she is the advisor to a student group which organized the event - I want to make clear that my concerns are not intended to personally criticize this educator or her program.   I have since heard from the district and am pleased to report that they are taking these concerns very seriously and using them to reconsider how they might conceive of these events in the future, and how to use them as a teaching moment for the student-organizers involved in this year's planning.  The damage, however, has been done.  Just today my daughter received pink and blue fliers in her mailbox at 4K, inviting girls to dance and boys to be challenged.  The conversation on how to address this is difficult and necessary, and I'm happy to know I'll have a say in it.

I want to preface this post with a big caveat though:  we love our public schools and really have no major problems with our school district or its administrators, which is why I found this message all the more jarring, disturbing and unacceptable. I am not sharing our concerns here to attack the coordinators of this event or the district, but to raise a very important concern about how important it is that we hold ourselves accountable, and to a very high standard, for not reproducing stereotypes and gender discrimination that negatively impact our children and our community.  

To those who would argue that these are "innocent" events and no harm is intended, I'd like to point out that this message comes on the heels of our governor quietly signing away the Equal Pay Act, and a Wisconsin Senator publicly stating that the reason women make less money than men is that "money is more important for men."  Women in Wisconsin make 78 cents for every dollar men make.  Our schools should be doing all they can to help prevent this gap from widening as they prepare our daughters for the workplace.  Instead, the district is promoting "fun" and "harmless" events that seem in clear violation of its own non-discrimination policy, as well as State and Federal anti-discrimination law.

I encourage local parents who feel the same to share their own thoughts with the district administrator, Dr. Tim Culver. And I encourage parents elsewhere to look careful at the materials they receive from their schools and hold them to a high standard.  I hope that sharing the letter my husband and I sent prompts discussion, but more importantly that it encourages more parents to stand up and say that it's not acceptable, even if we have the best of intentions, to send messages to our daughters that they cannot compete intellectually with our sons.  I do not doubt that this message was sent "accidentally" - but that does not mean it was not sent, and the damage has been done.  If we want to change this, we have to start by voicing our concerns.  I hope you will share yours. Here are ours:

 9 April 2012

Dear Sun Prairie Area School District Administrators,

We are writing because we received an announcement from the Sun Prairie School District today inviting us to participate in two events, and we have very serious concerns about these events and the way they are presented to parents and children that we would like to share with you.

Let us say first that we appreciate the efforts of the District to organize fun events that bring the community together, encourage participation of families, and provide affordable activities for students to attend.  We are active members at our neighborhood school and always look forward to participating in these events. We also know that a lot of time and effort goes into planning them, and we are grateful to have such a dedicated and caring staff in our district.

We do not understand, however, why these two specific events are designed and coordinated around gender stereotypes and gender discrimination which seem at odds with the District's policy and platform of inclusive neighborhood schools.  According to the District's non-discrimination policy, which is the first thing we see in our Elementary School Handbook, "No student may be discriminated against in any school programs, activities or in facilities usage because of the student’s sex, color, religion, profession or demonstration of belief or non-belief, race, national origin, ancestry, creed, pregnancy, marital or parental status, homelessness status, sexual orientation or physical, mental, emotional or learning disability. Harassment is a form of discrimination and shall not be tolerated in the district. It is the responsibility of administrators, staff members and all students to ensure that student discrimination or harassment does not occur. (SPASD Policy JB)."  It is unclear to us how these gender-restricted events do not violate this policy.

Our daughter will not be attending the "Father-Daughter Dance" because we do not think this is an appropriate or necessary way to bring parents and children together for a school-related event. If you're going to leave education out of it altogether, why not have a Family Dance where mothers, fathers, sons and daughters could all participate and enjoy a fun and fancy event together? We understand and respect that Disney princesses are very popular, but our family chooses to try to avoid these highly unrealistic and offensive stereotypes and support a nurturing environment where our daughter can grow up to be more than a "princess" whose main objective in life is to marry a handsome prince. We would expect (and even demand) that her school would be the one place we could count on to help us encourage her to have higher aspirations as well. Instead, she is encouraged to "bring a camera."

Even more disturbing, however, is the juxtaposition of this event with the "Mother/Son Challenge," which sounds infinitely more fun, interesting and engaging for kids of any gender. For this event, boys are encouraged to bring their moms (or a "favorite adult") and use their brains to solve puzzles that allow them to complete a passport, win prizes and have fun.  Both our son AND our daughter would love to do this, just as our son, minus the "Disney Princess" elements, would love to attend a family dance. But what kind of message does it send to our kids and our community that while the girls are twirling about and getting their photos taken with the Disney Princesses, boys are completing problems and exploring the high school? By pairing these events together in such a way, you are sending this message. And we do not accept it.

$10 will buy our daughter a corsage, or it can buy our son a passport.   We'll take the passport for both of them, please, and we hope that the District will carefully consider the lasting and dangerous implications of organizing events around dated stereotypes and gender biases.  Our district claims to have a policy that does not discriminate on the basis of gender, but these events not only discriminate on that basis, they actually teach our kids to discriminate on that basis, and solidify tired, outdated stereotypes that have no place at all in our schools, much less our century.

We hope that you will take our concerns seriously, and pass them on to others who may be involved in planning such events.  These stereotypes are damaging enough in themselves, but compounded even further when one considers how many kids in our schools live in single-parent homes or have non-traditional families and are therefore automatically excluded or alienated from such events. We are confident that many other parents share our point of view and would rather have the District promote and organize events for the entire family than events that encourage discrimination and reinforce dangerous and damaging stereotypes.

Yours sincerely,
The Bourenane Family

Dear Parents and Guardians of Boys & Girls in Grades 4K - 5, Reservations are now being taken for the Annual Father-Daughter Dance to be held Saturday,  April 21st, 2012 from 5:30 -7:30 pm.  The "Disney Princesses" will again be at the dance, so make sure you bring your cameras!!  Tickets are  $10.00 in advance which includes one child. $2.00 for each additional child – this includes a raffle ticket, snacks, drinks, & a corsage for each girl.  Information and the RSVP form is available on the district website. PLUS, this year there's a special event for moms and sons, too with the Mother-Son Challenge Day.   This will also be held Saturday, April 21st, but in the morning from 9-11:30 am. Boys in grades 4K – 5 are invited to a day of fun with their mom or favorite adult.  The child/adult team will travel to different parts of Sun Prairie High School solving problems and completing puzzles. With each completed station, the team receives a stamp on their passport and will be entered to win prizes!  Tickets for the Mother-Son Challenge are also $10.00 in advance which includes one child. $2.00 for each additional child – – this includes a raffle ticket, snacks, drinks, & a flag for each team.   Information and the RSVP form is also available on the district website. The link for the Mother-Son Challenge is here . Thank you and we hope you can attend one of these great events!

Educators and Walker Collaborate Toward his Recall

5 Dec. 2011

Dear Scott Walker,


I'm sorry you chose to ignore my last letter. There's really no other way to interpret that than as an endorsement of the harassment, actual violence and threats of violence against recall workers.  Your handlers must be so proud. You really don't give an inch, do you?  It really makes me sick that your supporters see this as your strength when it is, in fact, your tragic flaw.

But that's not why I'm writing today, having not expected any response beyond your usual refusal to acknowledge dissent.  I'm writing about your latest radio address, on the topic of teacher merit pay and your grand "collaborations" with education experts.

I try, as a lover of truth and justice, to ignore your weekly propaganda session radio address. I assume you won't take it personally, as someone who makes a living ignoring people who are speaking directly to him.  But the one you made last Thursday (Dec. 1, 2011) was too hard to ignore, because you were talking about the issue that matters most to me, and the issue about which I most find grounds for your recall, and the issue about which you lie the most: education.  And even though you'd think I'd be used to it by now, I cannot believe you have the nerve to continue your campaign of lies, misrepresentations and misinformation even in the midst of a massive recall effort based at its root on these very manipulations and duplicities. Here's what you said:

As a parent with two sons in public schools, I want them to receive the very best education possible.  As governor, I want this same thing for all of Wisconsin’s children.  Ensuring that our kids receive a great education means making sure that our teachers receive the professional support they need and that parents and educators know how well our students are achieving.

That’s why we joined with the State Superintendent, school boards, school administrators, and the teachers unions to develop a better system to evaluate teachers.  It’s the kind of constructive collaboration that doesn’t always make it to the front page of your local paper but it is important work that I am proud to support.

First of all, we all know your office was one of many players in this business so stop trying (as usual) to take credit for other people's work. It's no secret that you don't think public sector jobs are "real jobs" because they don't earn people "real money" and that you think the business model is the only model for running anything.   The jackassery of applying this perspective to our heretofore excellent education system has been the subject of debate and discussion all year, and Uppity Wisconsin recently revealed how your attempt to revive former Governor Doyle's merit pay system and pass it off as your own is yet another embarrassing example of your customary hypocrisy.  I hate to always have to be the one to remind you of this, but (and I'm going to put this in caps so you know that I'm shouting at you) OUR SCHOOLS ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL "BUSINESS" TO RUN and you are not, in fact, the CEO of anything, least not the State of Wisconsin, which is also not a business at all. I really wish, sometimes, that you'd finished college so that you could have learned more about things like business and the real world and the value of education and how to use dictionaries. It's so frustrating to always have to explain things to you.  But I digress. You continued:

We will move beyond traditional merit pay models that simply hand out bonuses for good standardized test scores.  Instead, it has the potential to better serve students by rewarding teachers who continually demonstrate excellence on a number of fair measures while working to support struggling teachers.  I believe teachers who continually excel should be given an opportunity to earn more pay while moving up a teacher career ladder that allows for peer mentoring and other leadership roles without having to leave the classroom entirely.

I don't think you could have said anything that better illustrates your complete lack of understanding of how education works and why we, as a civil society, are bound to value teachers based on the unquantifiable virtue of their profession rather than the "merit" of their "value" in pay than your use of the absurdly and disgustingly contemptuous and condescending expression "moving up a teacher career ladder."   What is wrong with you? Seriously.  Do you really think teachers care so little about themselves or their work that their only aspiration is to "advance" along the edu-corporate "ladder"? Your disrespect for education could not be more evident when you use expressions like this. Who writes your speeches anyway?  But I'm digressing again.

I’m pleased that the system we helped develop earned the praise of both the Wisconsin Education Association Council and the American Federation of Teachers-Wisconsin. Mary Bell, the president of WEAC, said that the educator evaluation system will improve teaching and student learning. It was also praised by School District Administrators and the School Boards Association.

While your speech is deliberately unclear in its vague description of the details of the merit pay plan, and an obvious attempt to rebrand forced collaboration as actual consensus (where, again, you seem to be just trying to take credit for other people's ideas - like you did when school districts were forced to deal with your budget cuts), the implication that these organizations either support or praise your education policy is just going too far for me to bear.  And Mary Bell is hardly gushing your praises. What she said was "Through consensus building, Wisconsin will be using an educator evaluation system that will improve teaching and student learning," which cannot, by any stretch of the imagination, be reconstrued as praise for your anti-education agenda.

So while these groups were, of course, obligated to "collaborate" with you on this issue, that hardly translates to evidence that you have the slightest idea what "consensus building" even means.  Here's what we do know:  We know that the "School District Accountability Design Team" you've organized is working in direct opposition to the efforts of WEAC and the DPI to favor private and charter schools over the interest of the majority of Wisconsin children in public schools.  We know that the unions don't support you, especially the part about imposing a two-year wage freeze on all state workers on top of all the cuts to their take-home pay (despite the fact that they haven't had a raise since 2009). And we know that teachers (obviously) don't support you (as most painfully evidenced by the horrific staging of the only pseudo-experts you could dredge up to pretend to support you in the pre-campaign ads you've been airing constantly). We know that State Superintendent Tony Evers doesn't support you. We know that the Association of School District Administrators doesn't support you.  And we know that WEAC doesn't support you.  In fact, the first thing you see when you click on the WEAC webpage is a giant picture of this:

When you click on it, it links to a members-only page for all things recall.  Hardly the "praise" you claim WEAC President Mary Bell is dishing your way, is it?

I don't entertain any hopes that any of this will stop your weekly propaganda sessions, but I do hope that this will remind you that your tired lies and doublespeak are not fooling everyone.  Whatever this group decides about refashioning the way teachers are recognized for their achievements, your plan to control the merit pay for public workers has already been discounted for what it is: more of the nepotism and cronyism we've come to expect and despise:

"Under the plan, Walker appointees at the Department of Administration will have the ability to hand-pick which state workers are rewarded with pay increases without any evaluation system," said Scott Spector, a spokesman for AFT-Wisconsin, which represents about 17,000 public workers. "There is no accountability and no transparency. It would appear that the only merit used to judge state workers is their loyalty to the governor." 

And now, at last, I may see a method to your madness: there may be an ounce of fiscal responsibility in you yet!  Your masterplan seems to be to remind all state workers - especially teachers - why they should never, ever demonstrate any loyalty to you, so that you, in turn, will never have to "reward" them with "merit pay." Pretty sneaky. And vile. And unconscionable.  But it does help explain why you try so hard to give teachers the impression you have no respect for them.  And the sum total of all this points toward one conclusion: the only thing all of these groups seem to be collaborating with you on is the effort to see you recalled.


Looking forward, as always, to seeing you recalled, as are all the teachers, students, and administrators in Wisconsin. Or at least all the ones you don't pay to pretend to support you.

Heather DuBois Bourenane
Taxpayer and recall enthusiast

What Superintendent Tony Evers, educators, students, parents and WASDA administrators really have to say about the impact of your budget, despite the lying spin you immediately tried to pass off, which actually just reveals the damage you've done to our schools.

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Update 12/7/2011.  Walker signed the Senate Bill 95 into law today - a bill that allows test scores to be one reason you can fire a teacher. And here's what Mary Bell really had to say about it:

“This is just another item to add to the growing list of attacks on educators and public education that Governor Walker and his allies have relentlessly pursued.”

WEAC, and Mary Bell, support the Framework for Educator Effectiveness initiative. But there's not much question here about whether or not they support Walker.

Thursday again today. Wonder what tonight's propaganda session has in store, and if I can bring myself to listen to it.

Scott Walker Supports Recall Effort By Serving as His Own Attack Ad

21 October 2011

Dear Scott Walker,

I haven't written you for a few weeks. And I imagine you're thinking, "Oh, I haven't heard from that nice Heather in a while, which makes it difficult for me to know exactly where I'm going wrong. She must be over me now that she's a big tv star and everything." And it's true, I've been super busy ever since that whole Brian Williams / Ed Schultz business, but my moments of fame were conveniently limited to 15, freeing me up to get other things done and engage in the effort to recall you, which is surprisingly time-consuming. But since it's been a while, I'll just give a greatest hits recap of what I've been up to since I last wrote:

• Helping to organize and preparing to begin Operation Recall on Nov. 15
• Conquering corn mazes, throwing birthday parties, hosting slumber parties, watching Rapunzel movies, running errands, volunteering and other things associated with being a busy parent and contributing member of society.
• Putting on a teacher workshop (on Antigone, if you can believe it. I thought of you all day long. I'm sure you have no idea what Antigone is, but there's a character in it I think you could really relate to. You should put it on your "reading" list. I put "reading" in quotes to indicate that I know you don't read, and unfortunately there's not really a major movie of Antigone that I know of, but you could maybe google it for a synopsis. Synopsis means summary.)
• Pondering whether or not it's actually true, or even possible, that someone as seemingly morally bankrupt and duplicitous as you could have actually received the rank of Eagle Scout. Since you haven't done anything in your adult life to demonstrate your alleged "integrity," you repeatedly hearken back to your Eagle Scout days. All I'm asking is that you produce some proof of that claim. Where's the badge? Why have we never seen a photo of you in the uniform? What was your project? The badgers want to know.
• Planning and promoting a community Voter ID info session with the City Clerk so that the many seniors and others in our town who will be adversely affected by the absurdly wasteful voter id law will be able to exercise their legal right to vote.  Since many of these voters are unable to drive, we're still in need of volunteers to drive people to the DMV, by the way, so if you know anyone in the area who wants to help prevent the disenfranchisement of our most vulnerable voters, please pass on my contact info. I know you share a building with some decent people, so maybe you could mention it to them if you run into anyone at work who cares about preserving democracy and they could get in touch.
• Enjoying the vindication of having been part of the investigation that led to Politifact calling you out on your lie that you've never said anything negative about teachers.
• Trying to save our house from foreclosure. (Thanks, by the way, for the helpful cuts that reduced my appointment by 17% and totally destroyed our already frugal budget. Without those cuts, we might be contributing to the economy like we should be right now.)
• Various other writing and work.
• Starting a RECALL WALKER Pumpkin Carving Contest.

So don't worry. I'm not over you at all. I've just been busy. And considering you give us new reasons each day to resist your power-hungry agenda, I don't think you need to worry much that my reasons to write to you will subside before you're recalled. Especially since it has become increasingly clear that you have no intention at all of providing jobs - or tools - to the people who need them in Wisconsin.  On the plus side, this helps our recall effort since you continue to provide us with free publicity by serving as your own attack ad. Let's look at what YOU and your Republican cohort have been up to since I last wrote:

• Fundraising with (or is it for?) your buddies the Koch Brothers
• Wasting our money on the bogus voter id law and thwarting free and open elections (really? I thought you hated wasteful government spending? Talk about lack of fiscal responsibility!)
• Wasting our time by your joke of a special jobs session on things like making sure kids don't get proper sex education (really? I thought you were anti-abortion? Talk about working against your own agenda!)
• Wasting our money
• Being at the heart of a federal John Doe investigation as more and more people around you are granted immunity
• Fundraising (and lying)
• Undermining our teachers, stealing from our most vulnerable students and placing more limits every day on their resources (really? I thought you were against over-regulation and for education? Talk about hypocrisy!)
• Rolling back efforts to address the chronic wasting disease problem in deer populations
• Passing some dumb law about fertilizer that has nothing to do with jobs
• Fundraising
• Manipulating the law to force through your catastrophic plan to destroy the environment by implementing the proposed mine, a plan that you seem hell-bent to push through despite massive efforts to stop it by the community it will negatively impact forever
• Seeing the results of your asinine deregulation of water standards as Wisconsin communities find themselves having to boil water because their drinking water has been contaminated by fecal matter
• Keeping the unemployment rate nice and high and causing private sector employment to decline (for the third month in a row) (really? I thought you were going to create 250,000 jobs! You're averaging a loss of about 20,000 a month. At this rate, you'll LOSE us 250,000 jobs before your term is over. Good thing we're recalling you!)
• Fundraising (and lying again)

Ok, it's getting late. This partial list will have to do. I missed a lot, but we both know what you've done. And so do the rest of the people in Wisconsin.

Anyway, for all of these reasons, and so many more, I'm still not over your abuses of power and your brazen contention that Wisconsin is for sale while the rest of us are being foreclosed.

And I think it's also worth complaining about, before I sign off, that you still have not replied to one single letter I have written you, even after a distinguished third party read one of them out loud to you on a national stage.  Is there seriously nothing a dissenting constituent can do to get your attention? You don't reply to our letters. You pretend we aren't in the room when we try to address you. You tell people that we don't really exist. And I have to say, it's getting pretty annoying.

Because democracy means you work for us. You work for the people. And if we're your boss, you have to listen to what we have to say even if you hate what we're saying. It's not optional. Democracy means the people matter; they have a voice. And they shouldn't be forced to blow against the wind by writing monologues that everyone but the recipient reads because he's too much of a plutocratic egomaniac to bother with the plebes he pretends to serve.

So the fact that you still refuse to even acknowledge our dissent is, in the end, grounds for dismissal. And I'm afraid it's come to that.  It would be preferable to communication anyway at this point.

Bring on the recall.

Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin citizen

Scott Walker: Bad for Education, Bad for Wisconsin (interview)

Monologues on air: interview with Ed Schultz.

Technically, it's only a monologue if you're talking to Scott Walker, a stone wall, or other things that don't give a crap. Regular people talk back, and then you call it dialogue.

I was really honored to be invited on the Ed Schultz Show on Sept.26, 2011 to talk about why I wrote an open letter to Brian Williams and Scott Walker's bad-for-education budget. Here's the interview, if you missed it.  Thanks to Ed Schultz for the continued dialogue on Wisconsin and the assaults on public education nationwide, and for giving me the opportunity to call Scott Walker out as the tooljob he is on national tv.

Click here to listen to the radio interview:
Scott Walker's Useless "Tools" - Interview with Ed Schultz 26 Sept 2011 by Monologues of Dissent

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