1 April 2011
"Dear" Scott Walker,
Happy April Fools' Day! I hope you had the opportunity to demonstrate your staggering stupidity on numerous public occasions today and that everyone had a good laugh at your expense, both in front of your face and again behind your back, later. This day must be kind of a relief for you, since it gives you that once-a-year excuse of "oh, I was just playing along the whole time..."
As if in honor of your foolishness, the universe really seems to have pulled its act together today! This is what you might call "providence" and what I like to call "poetic justice," which are really the same the thing. My favorite gags of the day:
- Sarah Palin endorsed David Prosser. Ha! How perfect is that?!
- Snowstorm during our spring break! That rat is such a liar. Just goes to show there's no such thing as global warming, eh? Take that, Al Gore!
- A Republican Montana lawmaker defended drunk driving and argued that DUI laws "are destroying a way of life" and threaten the "community" small business owners create by building a sense of drunken camaraderie. Oh, wait. That one really happened this week.
- I got the kids all excited to see a nonexistent deer in our suburban back yard then broke their little hearts and got to hear them giggle for a long time.
- South Dakota announced a tourism plan to rename the Black Hills "Kevin Costner's Tatankaville USA" and return the land at last to the Lakota Sioux in the form of permanent rights to "adopt a highway" privileges along the newly renamed Kevin Costner's Needles highway.
- Eff Scott Fitzgerald sent out a fundraising plea in which he jokingly admitted that the union-busting measures of the budget bill were all about defunding Obama in 2012 and have nothing to do with the economic good of Wisconsin or a "budget crisis." Oh, yeah. That also really happened.
- Michigan governor Richie Rick Snyder announced his switch from Republican to Independent.
- The Republican party released a hilarious satirical press release punking their moronic base into thinking they were "against" organic produce and mocking the legal system intend to provide checks and balances in government. Hm. Also true.
- You resigned. Finally! This means you ARE reading my letters! Thank you!!
Have a good evening,*
Heather DuBois Bourenane
* Gotcha! That last part was my own April Fools' joke. You didn't really think I hoped you'd have a good evening, did you?! I hope your evening is the worst one ever for you, in which you are forced to reflect on the fact that your side does foolish things every single day, and become painfully aware of how truly hated you are, and how thoroughly evil your plan for this state is in the eyes of god and man, and realize your only viable option is resignation, followed by fleeing the state.