RE: An Open Letter to My Leftist Cats, and Scott Walker

Editor's Note: The following is part of an ongoing exchange between me, Scott Walker and my leftist cats. The most recent letter is at the end of the correspondence below.  It's worth nothing that Scott Walker has yet to respond, but I anticipate that will change now that his sharp-shooting staff finally figured out how to set up auto-reply.

Sitta's motto: TAX THE RICH

An Open Letter to My (Leftist) Cats, and Scott Walker

19 March 2011

cc: Scott Walker

Dear Luna and Sitta,

I'm pretty sure you can't read this, given your tiny cat brains, but considering my latest passtime is writing letters to people who won't read them, I thought I'd take a few minutes to share some concerns I have that directly concern you.

First, what the hell is wrong with you guys? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love having you around, but sometimes you act like such jerks. I don't know what happened to you before you wound up at the Humane Society, but you've lived here almost a year now, and I think it's high time you get used to the two basic facts of your existence: (1) I will always feed you. Twice a day. So you don't have to pretend you haven't eaten in six weeks every morning when I wake up. I will get you your morning food as soon as I make my coffee, just like I did the other 300-some days in a row.  Get used to it. And please stop that incessant whining, because maybe if you weren't making that terrible noise it wouldn't be so important that I had my coffee first, and you might get your breakfast right away. Let's try that and see how it goes for a few weeks. (2) I am the person who cleans your litter box, and I'm never going to take it away from you, or fill it with poison litter, or pee or poop in there myself.  So you can stop running in and taking a crap right in front of my face every night like we all don't know whose "territory" that is. It's disgusting, and it's really not helping me at all in the "be a better cat person" department.  Those are the first two things.

Second, can you believe that Scott Walker? What a dog! I hold him personally responsible for the way I've been neglecting you guys lately, what with having to spend so much extra time online at night reading all the news and writing angry letters. I know you've grown accustomed to a little attention after the kids go to bed, but since Scott Walker refuses to respond to my messages, or talk honestly to anyone who disagrees with him, I'm forced to fret over it all night long. So I guess we can add DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE HAPPINESS OR WELFARE OF CATS to our list of reasons to hate Scott Walker.  But seriously, can you cats believe that guy? He still plans to sell state-owned power plants to no-bid, won't-name, private buyers (Kochs). I wonder if he'll still try to make provisions so that it's legal for them to discriminate based on sexual orientation (have fun trying that one out). Worse, though, he's already frozen enrollment in BadgerCare, leaving the working, uninsured poor who are willing to pay for insurance totally screwed once again. Meanwhile, Scott Fitzgerald wants me to be taxed without representation, and JB Van Hollen  breaks his month-long silence on all these broken laws by saying he plans to appeal the temporary restraining order issued to halt the bill's publication while its legality is assessed. I'm starting to think all of these guys hate kittens, I really am. I hope you two don't think all humans are like that.

I left you home alone again today to go downtown and do some shouting. Things seemed pretty tame after getting used to the huge crowds for a while, but there were still thousands of people out there.  I was almost glad we were here this week instead of last week at the big rally - they needed us more today.  But as long as Walker gives us a new reason to be furious everyday, I don't think our movement will lose momentum. He sure hasn't disappointed so far.  Thanks for not tearing the place up while we were gone.  It's good to know I can trust you. Wish I could say that about our governor.

Much love,

Heather

PS I will feed you first thing in the morning. Please don't come sharpen your claws on my back in the night, ok?

autoreply (do not respond)

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your concerns about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are off-course. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to improve this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Cats

Editor's note:
  Letters to cats: 1
  Replies: 1
  Letters to Walker: lost count
  Replies: 0

Clarification: My cats do not support Scott Walker

20 March 2011

Dear Luna and Sitta,

Thank you for the speedy response! You are the best kittens, you really are. So thoughtful. I hope you don't take it personally that I lumped my concerns about your behavior together with my concerns about Scott Walker. After thinking about it for a while, I realized you might take that the wrong way, and I wanted to clear up that I by no means intended to imply that I associate you with Walker, or that my grievances with you are in any way comparable to my grievances with him, or that the consequences of your actions could ever cause the grand-scale damage that Walker's will cause for Wisconsin.  I did not mean to imply that at all! I love you cats. I really do.  And I think you know that, in your little cat hearts, in the same way that I think Scott Walker knows, in his own tiny heart, that he's doing the wrong thing. Because people who are doing the right thing don't have to lie so much. And they don't have to refuse to communicate with people with whom they disagree. And also they aren't publicly stealing from the poor to give to the rich, or trying as hard as they can to unlevel the playing field for children in public schools, or blaming public servants for all of society's problems, or trying to ruin the lives of cute little kittens and the people who love them.

So please don't take any of that personally, ok?! I know you cats would never, ever support Scott Walker or his plan to privatize every last sparkle in the eyes of Wisconsin's children. I'm a pretty open person, but everybody knows I would never have adopted conservative cats, just like I would never have moved, knowingly, into a red state.  I just want you to know that I love you and respect you and think you are the world's cutest cats.  I really do. And  I am going to make it up to you very soon with extra treats and maybe, just out of guilt, I'll give you your morning food before I make my coffee tomorrow.  You cute little kittens deserve it! (Just please don't make that whining sound, ok? Just once?)

Much love,

Heather

P.S. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that Scott Walker has still not replied. He's busy not replying to thousands of letters from thousands of people, and fundraising, and having a taxpayer-funded private chef pack his bag lunch, and whatnot. I'm sure we'll hear from him eventually. Should be an interesting (auto)reply, given the unautorepliability of our correspondence.

cc: Scott Walker

autoreply (do not respond) [2]

March 21, 2011

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your approval about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are doing the job we were elected to do. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to help spread the word about this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Leftist Cats

Editor's note:
  Letters to cats: 2
  Replies: 2
  Letters to Walker: lost count
  Replies: 0

Subject: THANK YOU! (Cats, not Walker)

RE: An Open Letter to My Leftist Cats, and Scott Walker

2 June 2011

cc: Scott Walker

Dear Luna and Sitta,

I owe you a word of thanks.

It's not often these days that people (or leftist cats) take seriously the concerns and requests of the people who write to them, and I am ashamed to say that in my fury over the refusal of Scott Walker to respond to or address the concerns of his constituents, I have not taken the time to convey my deep appreciation for your willingness to compromise and negotiate.  

I am consistently impressed with the professional, respectful and courteous way in which you've dealt with my (sometimes impolite) demands, and, most notably, I want to thank you for meeting the three most pressing of my requests: not pooping  in the litter box while I am cleaning it, not whining so much in the morning, and not sharpening your claws on me while I'm sleeping. 

You two are models of social responsibility, the value of working together, and the power of a written request. Even more, you're proof that leftist cats are, in virtually every way, superior to incompetent leaders who simply march through their days as if the world is their litter box, taking craps in every face and then kicking up the sand to add insult to injury.

Note to Scott Walker: I know you're a very literal guy, so I should explain that that is what leftist cats and I call a metaphor. It's a metaphor for the kind of things you do to the people of Wisconsin (like take away teachers' rights then show up at their schools and force them to listen to you read Oh! The Places You'll Go!.  Or constantly claiming that illegally taking away our constitutional and human right to collective bargaining will fix the economy, but also constantly saying that there's no "fiscal" component to the union-busting bill. Or how you are secretly trying to privatize everything in the state, resulting in the loss of thousand of jobs, but then you snakily claim that the "new jobs" created (by firing people from the jobs they currently hold) are good for the economy. Or how you turned down much-needed federal funds to support the high-speed rail that would bring this state's economy back to life, and then turned around and granted crony contracts to all the highwaymakers who contributed to your campaign to build roads we wouldn't need if we had the rail. Or saying you support public education and then cutting all the funding, and then going a step further by traveling all over the country drumming up support for plans to steal public money to fund private education.  That's the kind of metaphorical crap you constantly deliver us, and the metaphorical litter you throw in our faces when you're done).

Sorry, cats, I know that was already clear to you, but Mr. Walker needs people to break things down for him. You know how he is.  Anyway, I just want to say again that I'm sorry for not properly thanking you sooner, and I really do appreciate how sweet and leftist you are.  You are the best.

Much love (to you, kitties; not you, Walker - you can resign),

Heather DuBois Bourenane
Wisconsin taxpayer and friend of leftist cats and humans

autoreply (do not respond) [3]

June 2, 2011

Dear Heather:

Thank you for contacting our office and sharing your approval about our behavior. We strive to ensure that each member of this household is represented faithfully and appreciate your feedback when we are doing the job we were elected to do. We have a plan which will provide the tools for you to help spread the word about this situation, and we look forward to working with you as we continue to serve and move this household forward.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely,
S. and L., Leftist Cats

Message from Governor Scott Walker (June 2, 2011)

Thank you for your e-mail message.  I welcome you expressing your views and concerns to me, and I commend you for participating in your state government.  I take into account the views of all of the citizens of Wisconsin, and I will keep your specific comments in mind during my service as your Governor.

If you would like more information about my positions on issues, or would like to read my public statements on issues, I encourage you to explore my website: www.walker.wi.gov.  I like to respond individually to every letter and telephone call I receive; however, I cannot respond to each e-mail individually due to the volume.  If your request is time sensitive, please call my office at (608) 266-1212. You may also write to me via conventional mail at Governor Scott Walker: PO Box 7863, Madison, WI 53707.

As noted on our website, please know that any communications may be subject to release under Wisconsin's public records law and that our policy is generally to release communications sent to this email address.

Once again, thank you for contacting me. Please feel free to contact me again if I can ever be of assistance to you.

Sincerely,

Scott Walker
Governor

Editor's note:

  Letters to leftist cats: 3

  Replies: 3

  Letters to Walker: lost count

  Replies: [autoreplies started in early May. 0 actual responses from Governor. Click here to see my response to his autoreply, which, true to character, is useless and lame]

Luna says: RECALL WALKER